Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
