Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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