are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
