He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize