I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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