I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
