It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
