Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
are you so shy because you have an std?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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