The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize