I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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