Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
