But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Your penis caused this!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize