we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
