I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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