last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
