but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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