I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
