it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
