I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
