i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
