I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
