Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
