I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
