I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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