Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's official drugs can't kill me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
