My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
