i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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