Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
