Plan B is the new Plan A
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
