96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
