I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
