i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
