Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
