Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
