I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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