I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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