i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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