nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
