yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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