escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize