Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have feelings that need drinking.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize