I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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