so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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