im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
