dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
