drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
