I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
