so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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