Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
