I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
