I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
