We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
