I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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