I CAN MOONWALK!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
