Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
