Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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