Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
