so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
