she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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