Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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