having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize