The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
