So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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