I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We had sex on a dog bed..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm bleeding and have questions
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
