Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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