You're so nebulous sometimes
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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