I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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