i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
