i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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