I didn't shave. On purpose
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
