So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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