I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You pole danced in your parka.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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