K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
