How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
