; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
