I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
