Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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